Conventional wisdom

What if

What if it were not that simple? What if intimidation was not the case of a few bullies but a tacitly accepted structure of power in any school.

Here is how it goes. Profiling states that under any relationship (yes even a loving one) you will find some sort of a power struggle. Some are more spectacular than others but they are there nonetheless.

In the average family the power struggle is widely accepted and constitutes nothing less than the mechanical functioning of the household. The dominating principle is that you can do anything or get anything if you are strong enough to do so. The parents’ authority is based on physical superiority or the ability to scare. Mind you, that does not mean that the atmosphere is always bad. Remember that, at this very moment, many dictatorships in various parts of the world are enjoying social serenity. The acceptance from the people of the state of the power struggle might be open for debate on a philosophical level but the social peace often can not be denied.

[ad code=2]

What happens unfortunately is that most children are raised in a household that bears more resemblance to the real world and its sad system of power struggle. What it means is that most children through interacting with their parents and siblings are familiar with an aggressive type of power struggle. Useful tools for this type of interacting are yelling, bullying, emotional blackmail, various sorts of manipulations, lies or even mild psysical control taking.

Because statistically the children raised like that are in bigger numbers it follows that they tend to impose their type of power struggle. In a twisted way, it is only fair.

The reader of this website, if he or she is old enough to have children, will on average tend to favor a type of power struggle that is less aggressive. Before you congratulate yourself, do realize that democracy type parents do in fact have a greater power over their child than the dictatorship family. How does the democracy power struggle type works? It works through talking and making your point in a conversation where everybody has the right to express his or her opinion. At some point, one of the parties (usually the weakest one intellectually due to age difference) surrenders to reason (but unfortunately also to the other person).
While that structure of power yields great results academically, financially and in some ways socially, it puts the child at a clear disadvantage strategically when that child starts going to school. Obviously humans have great adaptability and children usually learn to either fight or flight. Teachers cannot ease the transition by explaining it either because they do not have a clue or because it is too ugly to explain. Maybe parents who read this website could try to ease the transition between the two worlds by explaining it in a calming manner.

If you feel sad over that situation it goes from bad to worse. The picture of a bully asking for somebody’s lunch money does not describe day to day school reality. You see, the most damaging threats are the ones that are not made. It is the sweater that you cannot wear because you will get laughed at, while somebody higher on the hierarchy can, because of his social status. It is the question you cannot ask in class because your social status does not allow it for you personally. It is the cruel joke made at your expense that you good-humoredly go along with.

Do not be misled by the benign appearance of these examples. They go on and on everyday and shape not only the mood of school life but also the personality of most students. In such a social structure the so-called “well-raised” kids appear to be at a clear disadvantage.

On average you should find the “25-50-25″ rule as to the intimidation process in a class. Quite simply it means that you have roughly 25 percent of potential victims in any given class. Probably to balance it out you have an approximate 25 percent of bullies (with a more or less obvious style). The remainder is the 50 percent that will adhere to one group depending on the situation. As you probably guessed by now they rarely go against the intimidators for fear of reprisal but do not initiate anything themselves.

It is odd to think that to my knowledge no attempt has been made to link tacit intimidation (also assimilated to peer pressure by some researchers) and the suicidal and depression rate among children and teenagers. Tacit (not overtly violent) intimidation is constant and painful but it does not seem to get the publicity it deserves.

What to make of it

Some people theorize that tacit intimidation plays a greater role than it is given credit for. Sadly enough, very little is done about it. By the same token the way intimidation works is for the most part misunderstood. If you are interested read the entry on “The way intimidation works”.